The Idiot's Guide To Owning A Pet
by Applegirl3223
Summary: After seeing a cute pet for sale, Isshin buys it. There are three important rules though: Don't expose it to water, Don't feed it after midnight and finally Don't expose it to sunlight. Sounds easy right? Well... not exactly. T for language. Isshinxoc Takes place after Ichigo loses his powers.


**This story takes place during the couple of years Ichigo doesn't have his shinigami powers. Also borrows from the movie Gremlins and the books The Idiot's Guide... **

1. Never Buy An Animal You've Never Heard Of

Isshin Kurosaki wondered what he was staring at. He'd been on his way from the store when he spotted a small pet shop. The man running it said he was moving away so all animals were being sold to anyone who wanted one and at a good price. Isshin had looked through, not really considering buying anything until he saw a small, furry creature in a cage off to its self. It was white with black patches here and there. Isshin had never seen anything like it. At first he thought it was a rabbit, then a hamster or guinea pig. He ruled out all of them as he studied it more. The strange creature inched closer to the bars. Isshin stuck a finger inside. It nuzzleed against it.

"Ahhh I see you've met Patches." The old man stopped by the cage after seeing Isshin

"What is he?"

"My people call them 'Mogwai'. He isn't for sell."

"But the sign says all animals are." Isshin didn't know what he was arguing about this. His kids had never owned a pet despite various attempts by Yuzu to bring animals home.

"Not this one. Why don't you come look at the rabbits I have left." The old man gestured to the cages on the other side of the room. Isshin started to follow but kept looking back at Patches who watched him sadly.

"Hey! How much is this turtle? There's no price!" A woman called from the front. The old man excused himself and headed off. Isshin was drawn back to Patches who watched him with hope in his eyes.

"You want it? I'll sell it to you for two thousand yen," A short boy appeared next to him. "I'm selling it to you at the same price as the rabbits."

"But that guy said he's not for sale."  
"Ignore my grandfather. We need to get home as soon as possible and haven't been able to find anyone to take care of the animals. That's why they're being sold. We don't know how long we'll be gone."

"You sure this is okay?" Isshin asked, reaching for his wallet.

"He'll get over it. There are three important things to remember," The boy told him as he accepted the money and handed Isshin the cage. "Never expose him to sunlight, it'll burn him. Luckily it's cloudy today. Never get him wet."

"No baths then?" The shakes his head at the question.

"Finally never, ever feed him after midnight."

"Why?" Before Isshin can get an answer, the boy is shoving him towards a back exit.

"You have to go! My grandfather looked over. Remember the rules and he'll be easy to take care of!" Isshin was shoved out the door without a goodbye. He raised the cage to smile at Patches.

"Well Patches, ready to meet my family?" Patches gave noise Isshin took for 'yes' and headed towards his home.

2. If You Insist On Doing Number One, Make Sure You Have An Idea Of How To Care For It

"What is it?" Ichigo asked as he inspected Patches.

"It's called a Mongwai," Isshin replied proudly. Ichigo raised an eyebrow.

"Well what's a 'Mongwai'?"

"This." His eyebrow began to twitch.

"So let me get this straight. You go to a pet store that's going out of business and buy this little guy after the owner clearly said you shouldn't. Then you still accept even when the kid tells you three weird rules for taking care of it." Patches whined. "What are we even supposed to feed it?"

"Not water," Isshin laughed causing his son to roll his eyes. At times Ichigo felt like the roles were reversed. Now would be one of those times. "Where're the girls?"

"At Julie's house." Julie Danvers had been their neighbor for some time now. The girls loved going over to her house. Ichigo did too because she always helped with his science homework. She had worked for the Air Force and ended up liking Japan so much that she stayed. "Go get 'em. I'll feed this thing."

"His name is Patches."

"Whatever." Isshin left his son and made his way down a few houses until he came across Julie's. He'd met her when she'd come into his clinic with her friend who had a broken toe.

"Isshin! Hi!" He also happened to find her beautiful. Julie stood there in an oversized shirt and leggings. Her hair piled into a messy bun. Glasses rested on the tip of her nose and in her arms were books. "I was just getting ready to call you. I have Karin building a robot." On top of being very pretty in his opinion, she was also a mechanical genius and loved to build things. When she couldn't build actual things, she'd do so with Legos instead. Ichigo still had the miniature Goku she'd made out of boredom a few months ago.

"Well tell them to come out. I bought them a pet!"

"A pet?" Yuzu squealed. "Really? Where is it?"

"Ichigo's feeding it." With another delighted squeal, she attached herself to Isshin. Karin came out a few seconds later looking like she'd just come out of a mechanic's shop. She paused to grab Julie's hand. Karin rarely attached herself to anyone yet here she was. Isshin had worked up the courage before to ask her out to dinner but had misunderstood and thought the kids were coming too so Isshin had to scramble to get them ready. Ever since then he'd been too terrified to ask her out again. Maybe it was better this way. He was too old to start dating anyway.

"Julie you'll come too right?" Karin asked her.

"If your dad says I can."

"Of course." They waited while she put her books away then all four walked back to the house. Julie was in the middle of telling him about her latest project when they entered inside to see Ichigo pressed against the wall with a terrified expression on his face. On the table instead of one Mongwai there were now five. Water covered the table.

"Ichigo what did you do?!" Isshin rushed over to Patches who was shivering.

"I got him some food. I forgot about the water on the table. When I moved to pet him I knocked it over! What the hell is he?!"

"What's the big deal?" Karin walked over to inspect them. "Why'd you get so many though Dad?"

"He didn't! He only bought one! That…that thing made more when the water hit him!"

"Really? Where'd you get him from Isshin?" Julie asked as she inspected one. Isshin was cradling Patches.

"That old pet store down the street. It was closing."

"Hmmmm…"

"They're so cute! I'm going to call you Snowball." Yuzu pointed to a white one. "You'll be Spot! Oh! And you'll be Happy!"

"Tch just keep them away from me!" Ichigo edged around the table. Thinking his attitude funny, Karin picked one up to dangle in his face. Ichigo ran out of the room with his sister right behind him laughing.

"Isshin I've never seen anything like this before. Maybe we should call the zoo." Julie suggested, pushing her glasses up. Isshin shook his head.

"Then they'll run tests and all that. I don't think Patches can handle it."

"Well can I at least take one to a friend of mine who works in a lab. I'd feel better knowing what they are. He can do a blood test and that's it."

"Alright." Isshin agreed after a few moments of hesitation.

"Great! I'll take Snowball!."

"Let it be known that I said this whole thing is a bad idea," Karin announced upon returning. "Something isn't right."

3. If The Pet Has Rules For Taking Care Of It, Follow Them. There's A Reason They're There

Isshin placed breakfast in front of Patches at the table while Yuzu and Karin took care of the other four. Ichigo refused to eat with 'those things' and was in his room.

"Dad what will we do during school?" Karin asked. It was Saturday and they'd gotten the pets Friday. As much as she hated to admit it, she was worried about them.

"I can check in periodically. They actually aren't hard to take care of."

"Have you heard from Julie?"

"Not yet."

"Well we're going to convince Ichigo you guys are okay!" Yuzu interrupted, grabbing Patches just as he finished. Her dad and Karin thought it a lost cause but didn't tell her. Instead they spent much of the morning playing with the Mongwai. Karin had just taught Happy to do a few tricks when Yuzu came running down the stairs in tears.

"I-Ichigo won't l-let Patches come with me!"

"Huh?" Karin asked from the couch where she and their pets were now watching tv. Yuzu sniffed and wiped her eyes.

"He won't let me take Patches, he keeps saying to come back later."

"I thought he didn't like them."  
"Well he does now. Patches is watching him read."

"Yuzu you're so dramatic. Come sit with us."

"Okay!" The rest of the day passed by lazily. By the time dinner was served Ichigo's opinion had changed. He even sat at the table with them. Afterward's Isshin and the girls went to Julie's, leaving Ichigo to babysit, not that he minded. He gathered all the Mongwai in a box and went to his room. He let Patches sit on his desk as he started his homework. When the others started making sounds for food, he glanced at his clock. It was eleven. He still had time. He hurried downstairs, gathered leftovers and brought them back. The Mongwai scarfed the food down as if they'd never eaten before. On the other hand Patches refused to eat anything. Ichigo didn't think anything of it, just finished his homework, went to entertain his sisters when they returned, avoided a few kicks from his dad and went to bed.

4. In Case Of Emergency, Don't Panic…Unless The Pet is Trying To Kill You

"Whoa! What is it?" Karin prodded a cocoon.

"Don't touch it!" Ichigo pulled her hand away. She rolled her eyes. He was acting like a mother hen. Yuzu had already dressed one cocoon in a hat. Isshin rubbed his chin thoughtfully as he studied the cocoons. He looked over at Patches who was clinging to Ichigo's shirt as if his life depended on it.

"Did you feed them after midnight?" He asked his son.

"No way! I made sure I checked the time. It was around eleven."

"Strange." The phone ringing pulled his attention away. He exited the room. Karin had been investigating the leftover food when she noticed something. She grabbed the cord to Ichigo's clock. "I have to go!" Isshin said. "Julie called frantic about something the call got dropped. She's at her friend's lab."  
"You know how to get there?" Ichigo asked.

"I know the area. Shouldn't be too hard to find. Leave those things alone until I get back got it?" They all nodded. When he's gone, Karin held up the frayed cord.

"Ichigo I think they chewed through this."

"I would've seen that…" His voice trailed off as he realized how engrossed he had become in his homework. "Shit! You think they did it on purpose?" Karin didn't say anything, simply looked at Patches who gave a terrified noise they took for a 'yes'. Shit indeed.

5. In The Event Of A Murderous Pet, Keep A Step Ahead Of It (And by ahead of it I mean literal steps. Why would you stay around an animal like that?)

"Julie!" Isshin called. It hadn't been hard to get to the lab. On top of that, being the weekend it was practically deserted. The lone security guard pointed him to the room Julie and her friend were in. Isshin had burst through the door, not sure what to expect. His eyes widened when he saw Julie on the floor struggling to keep a needle from going into her head. The needle was attached to green hands. Isshin's eyes widened when he saw the ugly, green creature on Julie. Without thinking, he ran over and kicked it off her.

"Isshin!" She scrambled to her feet, clutching his arm. He pushed her behind him as the green creature hissed at them. "That's Snowball! There was a cocoon when Kenji came in this morning and the sandwich he'd left accidentally was gone! He called me and when I got here Kenji was…" She pointed to a corner. Her friend laid there un moving on his stomach with a sharp utensil sticking out his back. "He's still breathing but Snowball attacked me when I got near him."

"Damn it! I need to get home! The others ate after midnight too."

"Oh my god!" Snowball ran at them, slashing at their legs. Isshin tried kicking him again but Snowball darted out the way.

"Get out of here Julie!"

"I'm not leaving you!" She grabbed a small knife to try stabbing the creature. Instead it cut her arm. Isshin pulled her out of the way of another attack, his mind filling with thoughts on how to kill the thing. He shouted in pain when it managed to attach itself to his leg and bite. Julie pulled it off, at the same time she fell against the blinds causing them to flutter allowing a bit of sunlight in. Snowball hissed and ran.

"Don't expose them to sunlight…of course!" He turned to Julie. "I'll pull him out and you open the blinds."

"Okay." It took valuable time and several cuts and bites but eventually Isshin was able to hold the flailing creature. Julie opened the blinds at the same time. Snowball hissed as he dissolved away. Once gone, Julie staggered over to Kenji who groaned.

"The kids…I have to get home. Stay with him."  
"I'm going too! I can call an am-"

"Stay Julie!" He snapped. "I wouldn't forgive myself if anything happened to you." Realization seemed to pour over her as their eyes locked.

"I-I'll stay here." Isshin sighed in relief and turned to go.

* * *

Ichigo, Karin and Yuzu pressed against the door. The green creatures were surprisingly strong. Patches whined from Ichigo's shoulder.  
"I can't believe this! I knew something bad would happen!" Karin said.

"Can we save the 'I told you so' til we kill these things?!" Ichigo grunted after a particularly hard hit.

"What should we do?" Yuzu cried. Patches jumped from Ichigo's shoulder and raced to the window, making noises at it. "What is it Patches? You want some air?"

"Ahhh!"

"Shit!" Karin and Ichigo cried out as the door swung open sending them flying backwards. Two jumped onto Karin as the other two went for Ichigo and Yuzu.

"Get away from my sisters!" He shouted throwing one into the wall. He pulled another off Karin who scratches going down her arms where she'd been covering her face. Yuzu had grabbed a baseball bat and was swinging away at the other two. The whole time Patches kept scratching at the window. It finally clicked with Ichigo when he remembered. Quickly, he placed Patches out of the way and opened the blinds. Sunlight poured in, killing them. He took in his sisters then Patches and patted him on the head.

"Let's agree that Dad isn't bringing home anymore pets unless we're with him." He told them.

"Agreed." They said at the same time.

You Think No One Will Believe You Then Cover It Up (You did? Good. Take a break from pets for awhile)

Isshin had arrived at the house, terrified his kids were hurt or worse but in the end they were sitting at the table eating ice cream with Patches. He should've known better. His kids were tough. Since Yuzu had already treated their wounds, he had Ichigo return with him to the lab where they treated Kenji then took him to the clinic. Julie stayed behind to clean up. Isshin highly doubted anyone would believe them without any bodies and he didn't want to risk Patches being taken away so he suggested they all keep silent about it. It was later that day as he stood with Patches on his shoulder treating Julie's cuts that she grabbed him by his shirt and kissed him. Yuzu giggled as she held the wrap for her arm. Karin muttered something along the lines of 'It's about time' and Ichigo simply smiled.

7. Next Time Just Get A Fish, It'll Save You Trouble

"What about this one Dad?" Yuzu asked as she pointed at a large Koi.

"No way! How about this one?" Karin pointed to a piranha.

"What about a snake?" Ichigo asked.

"What do you think Patches?" Julie whispered into her purse. He hissed at the snake but made excited noises at the fish, specifically the Koi.

"Koi it is!" Isshin grinned with a hand holding Julie's. Ichigo made a groan of disappointment. Then he spotted a cage in the back with a cover over it. He peeked underneath to see what looked like a wolf pup except it was standing on it's hind legs.

"I see you've spotted Jacob, he's a werewolf pup," A woman whispers to him. "I need to get rid of him. Would you like to have him?" Before Ichigo could jump at the chance, Isshin yanked him away.

"I think we're fine with the fish!" He ruffled his son's hair and handed him the bag. Ichigo frowned but took it anyway.

"Maybe next time." Ichigo whispered. The woman smiled and the werewolf yipped at him. Yeah maybe next time…

**Yes the wolf was named after Jacob from Twilight. Thanks for reading. :)**


End file.
